Part 5...We Finally Come To The End!

My Aunt is someone who I have always felt close to. Someone once told us that when we are together its like we have kindred spirits. I have always been able to tell her anything and I know that she loves me like a daughter. I didn't know why I was supposed to be in that car but very quickly I felt a peace come over me. I knew that of anybody, she could help me figure this out. She herself used to be a mormon. I never really knew what happened, just that she didn't go anymore. So I told her everything that happened and everything that I was feeling. You would think that I would be able remember everything about our conversation but unfortunately over the years I have forgotten bits and pieces. What I do remember is her telling me that I need to list the pros and cons of being with Todd. Of course the pros totally outweighed the cons. I only had two cons on the list. I was still holding on to this idea of being married in the temple. The idea of being together forever was very romantic to me and of course I wanted to be together forever with the man I loved! And I had a desperate need to have my parents approval. Even at 22 yrs old I couldn't help falling into that role of a little girl. I hated it and to this day I find myself slipping back into it from time to time.

My aunt encouraged me to try and step back from the situation and look at it from another point of view. Are these things really enough to keep us apart? She asked if I really believed in God? Yes! Did you desire him in your life? Yes absolutely! Then why are you letting all these "things" get in the way from that? Why are so concerned about all the religious stuff when all that should matter is your personal relationship with Christ? And as soon as I stepped back from the situation...I knew exactly what she was talking about. Its like the light bulb finally came on and I could see clearly what was going on. I finally got a sense of what had been missing. Its not that Jesus was ever missing from my life but there was to may rules, steps and legalities getting in the way. To much religious junk! To much emphasis on procedures and people that didn't really matter and not enough emphasis on Jesus. And I knew instantly that I only wanted Jesus! I knew I was at a point in my life that I truly needed to know the Lord personally. For the past 22 years, I have relied on the Church – the building, the people, the programs, and the prophet – to serve as my physical connection to an unseen God. I didn't want those things in the way anymore.

What do I have to do to move on from this point? Little did I know it would be so easy! I was so used to having to go through so many steps to gain this or that....who knew it would just take a simple heart felt prayer? All I needed to do was ask him to take over my life, my will and my ways. Stop relying on everything else and only rely on him. I experienced the term "born again" that day. Not a physical birth but a spiritual birth. From our physical birth by our human parents, we have a dying physical body; a corrupted psychological organ (the soul), consisting of the mind, emotion, and will; and a spirit that is dead and incapable of contacting God. By receiving Christ as our Savior, we are born of God. The Spirit of God comes into our human spirit to regenerate it, enliven it, with the life of God. This is to be born again. First we are born of our parents, then we are born of God. The first birth gives us the opportunity to have the second birth. The first birth produces us as a dirty vessel; the second birth cleanses us and fills us with the divine and eternal life of God. The first birth destines us to die; the second birth results in life eternal. In the first birth we are cursed, but in the second we are blessed, not with material riches but with God. And that is what happened to me while driving in the car on a warm sunny afternoon on July 12th 1996. I was able to pause and take my eyes off of the legalities of religion and place them on Christ. He changed my life that day. It was a miracle. It was not of this world but lasting and undeniable.

That's not to say everything fell into place and all my questions were answered immediately. I had alot of issues to wade through and alot of stuff to still figure out but I finally had a peace that I have never had before. Not just a peace about my relationship with Todd but a peace about my salvation. It took me years of reading and studying and hearing God's word. Many hours of discussions and a few debates here and there. But when I finally stopped trying to fight it and just opened my heart and eyes and to what God was trying to tell... I just understood everything! And I finally let go of the teachings of the LDS church and just...Let God! I turned to the word of God to discover the complete truth about God and his will for my life. So here is what I learned and now believe after 13 yrs in my new life (in no particular order).....

• Jesus is God in the flesh and there is no other way to the Father but by faith in the Son. Jesus, and Jesus alone, is the Way, the Truth and the Life for all mankind. I believe God is consistent and doesn't constantly change his mind and the rules.

I worship one God who consists of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I believe that God has never had a beginning and will never have an end. I think its blasphemy to think that we can one day become our own God

I hold that the Holy Bible is God's inerrant eternal Word and is the sole, final authority for faith and practice. I believe it to be the ONLY word of God

I believe that important spiritual works of love will follow them that truly believe. I reject the idea that any sort of works can save a person in the kingdom of God except the work of Jesus through His life, on the cross and by His resurrection. God's grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone will gain our entrance into the Kingdom of God. I believe in good works as a result of, rather than a means of salvation. Did the Thief on the cross work his way to Heaven? No...Jesus said to the thief on the cross who repented "Today (Present tense) you will be with me in paradise" (Luke 23:43). This thief was neither baptized nor partook of the Lords supper, he believed and was promised to be with Jesus. He did no works but only believed. This can be hard to accept for those who add requirements to be saved or busy themselves to earn their way to heavens abode.

I accept the Word of Wisdom as sound advice for living and highly recommend individuals to incorporate it into their daily lives. However, obedience to this doctrine has no bearing on my salvation. What I eat, drink or take into my body is between me and the Lord. Yes I drink alcohol and no I don't feel guilty about it. Wasn't Jesus's first miracle turning water into wine? No where in the bible does it say that we can not drink BUT yes..Drunkenness is considered an activity in opposition to biblical truth

• I believe everyday is a day of peace and rest for the believer through the Lord Jesus Christ. Sabbath-Day observances are legalistic and have served no redeeming purpose since the ascension of our Lord. I readily accept the opportunity to congregate on the Lord's Day, however, and look forward to worshipping God with like-minded believers. I love going to church now. I look forward to it and I don't feel an obligation to go. I don't go because I feel its going bring me salvation...I go for myself. To feel Gods presence, to learn about how I can a be closer to him and so I can have that time to praise him.

The authority to act in God’s name comes from faith in the cross. This has been the case since the ascension. Jesus is the high priest, and our faith in Him authorizes us to act in His name. All true priesthood begins and ends through him. I believe everything in the Old Testament points forward to the cross of Jesus Christ and everything after the death of the Savior points back to it. To make a long story short, all the authority and Levitical lineage required of holders of the priesthood pointed to the coming authority of Jesus, and every act, rite, spiritual gift, authority, or ecclesiastical position today comes from our faith in Him.

I do not believe that Joseph Smith or any other "so-called" prophets are true prophets of God. Jesus said "Beware of false prophets" (Matthew 7:15) and the Apostle John warned that "many false prophets are gone out into the world" (1 John 4:1). How do we identify a false prophet? A key test is to examine the prophecies he or she has made in the name of the Lord. If a single one of those prophecies fail to come to pass, the speaker is identified as a false prophet and we are not to pay any attention to them (Deuteronomy 18:20-22). I know of at least 7 failed"prophecies" given by Joseph Smith. That's 7 to many if you ask me! I believe that Jesus Christ is the only true prophet needed to guide me

• I believe that a born again Christian is the temple in which God dwells through the justification and sanctification of Jesus Christ. I believe that once your dead...your dead and you don't get a second chance. I reject the concept of physical edifices which serve as holy stations for the performance of vicarious ordinance work for the dead.

I believe that the New Testament church, the Body of Christ, has never apostatized and is alive and well today, called to win the lost to Christ and expecting His soon return!

And what about my one con on that list? My romantic idea of being married in the temple and being together forever??..

When a person places his or her entire heart and life in the trust and care of God, fear flees. Do I believe that I will be with Todd after this life? I believe in the glory and honor of God first. Do I desire to have my children with me in the eternities? I want it if God wants it. The fundamental question here is not, "Will families be together forever?" The bottom-line question is, "Do I place all my faith and trust in Him?" When human beings decide to formulate ideas to help soothe their worried hearts (like the non biblical idea that marriage is eternal and that families will be together forever), it removes the faith and trust God commands His children to have in Him and replaces it with ordinances and theologies that bring false, non biblical hope. So while I love my family with every bit of my soul, I love and trust God more, and know, unequivocally, that He will take supreme care of me, my husband, my children, and the rest of my family if they have faith in His Son. No matter how wonderful human ideas are regarding God and the after-life, I trust that God will take care of me and those I love in a much more authentic and superior way.

So there you have it! I can't say that this is where my story really ends. My story is my life and my life continues to grow and get better everyday. Why have I decided to tell my story in this way. Well for one thing this is like my journal and so far I have never really written this stuff down and I don't want to forget anything as the years go by. Also, I feel this is easier then telling it over and over again. I have wanted this out in the open for a long time and have never quite figured out how I was going to do it. I am a writer not a talker. I have spent many hours and days mulling over this. Editing and rewriting things over and over again. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect and nothing was forgotten. I welcome any and all comments. I hope to hear lots of thoughts on what I have written. My intention was not to offend anyone or put anyone in a position that they feel they need to be defensive. I love my friends and I love my family. I pray for them just as much as they pray for me. I love the Lord and I love the person I have come to be in him. The music on my playlist in the side bar are the songs that are constantly in my head and in my heart. I sing them all day long. Do I feel like I get extra blessings for who I am? No, not at all. I still have trials and I still have disappointments. But I can't stress enough the freedom I feel in Christ. The freedom from religious legalities that get in the way from the whole point of me being here in this body and in this life. I am here to praise God in everything I do and I hope that my life with reflect him in it. He came to this earth to pay the price for my sins. He created me. He knows who I am and knows my name. There will come a day when he will take me in his arms, hold my face in his hands and say to me "Well done..my good and faithful servant!"

And finally all the troubles of this life will fade away!