Ready For A Do Over

Ever had one of those day where you just either want it to end or want to go back about 2 weeks and do over? Well...welcome to my day! I made a huge mistake. Or rather a ton of little mistakes in our bank account and now its truly and royally messed up! And I don't blame anyone but myself. My husband tells me not to be hard on myself and he is a great guy for saying that and putting up with me, but come on...I am in charge of the money! I am the one who pays the bills, I am the one to say if we have money for this and that, I am the one who has access to our account. Todd works his butt off for us and so its my job and responsability to be organized and keep track of everything. So therefore I am the one to blame! I am only writing about this for my benefit. I am not looking for sympathy or pity parties. Sometimes it helps to just lay it all out to dry. I know that their isn't really anything I can do but move on from here and learn from my mistakes. Learn to be even more aware then I already was.

As I was laying on my bed today with a tear full heart I told God that I am over-whelmed. I know I can't do this alone and I really want to lay it at his feet. At times I am thinking I have done that but most of the time...I don't know. How do you 100% but your troubles at his feet? I have been struggling at this for a long time. I would think that if I have 100% done that then I wouldn't have these doubts. Is the heavy, guilty feeling I have almost everyday about not working, him telling me that I need to do something about that? I hate that I am making this more complicated then it needs to be. I know in my heart that God hears me and he is very uncomplicated. And that any barrier in our relationship is totally my fault. Just sometimes I wish I my ears can hear him better. As I look back into history, God has always taken care of us and I try to remind myself of that everyday. For some reason we just keep repeating history here!

Don't you hate it when you are trying to hide in your room so your kids can't see your tears and your 2 yr old comes in and says "what pappen ma?" Oh it just breaks my heart to even think about it. I hope my kids never know the struggles we have had. I hope that we can get our act together so our kids will only have great memories of there childhood. I hope that our kids will be able to hear God easier then I can.

Mama needs a do over!!!!!!!!!