My Story...Part 2

If you are curious about what happens next in my story.......

During the time that I decided I was going to take a break....I was managing a music store in Shoreline. I met some new friends and I don't think I need to tell you what happens when you mix music, Seattle and taking a "break"! Nothing to over the top but stuff that back in the day I thought for sure you were on the road to hell for doing. But I was having fun and that was my goal!

Ok...now is where Todd enters into the picture. I knew him from the few times he would visit the store. One day I decided I needed to hire a guy to do all the heavy and dirty work for me. As I was literally putting up the now hiring sign, he walks in and says he needs a part time job. So one-two-buckle my shoe....I had a new employee. Todd has a story of his own and its not up to me to reveal it but lets just say he was not the sort you would immediately think about taking home to meet Ma and Pa. But I found him intriguing and well....who wouldn't want a piece of this????

But as much as I found him attractive...I also found him to be infuriating! I knew he found me attractive and yes...I liked that but it seems like he was always trying to get under my skin, stirrings things up. Once he found out my background he was constantly trying to challenge me. I didn't know him very well but I was irritated and confused as to how he would even know what he was talking about. Why was he even trying to challenge my beliefs when his lifestyle didn't reflect any beliefs at all! Why did it even matter to him? Well as irritating as he was and inspite of it all, I was still immensely attracted to him. The magnetic pull between us could not be ignored so against my better judgement (at the time), we started dating. "But it will be ok" is what I told everyone. "It's not like I'm gonna marry the guy !"

When I came to know (and love) his family, I found out he actually had a strong Christian background. A foundation obviously deeply buried and hidden deep. But we had somewhat of an understanding between us.....I wouldn't talk about what I believed, he would give me break and we would just go on from there.

My life seemed to be taking a turn that I never imagined it would. I still FELT I believed everything, but the way I was living was pulling me closer to the point of no return. I ended up loving him and absolutely could not be with out him! But I just couldn't figure out how to do both. Even though the thought of going back to my old life was a dreadful thought. And that thought would only come up because again, its all I knew. I didn't really want that as my way of life anymore but when your told its the only way to Heaven then you can't help NOT think about it at times. You can't help not worry about it. So I told myself again, like I had many times before, that I would just deal with it at another time. Somehow I would make this all workout. There has to be another way!

So meanwhile..life went on. We continued to spend every spare moment together. Most of the time at his parents house because we were to broke to do anything else. It got so I really looked forward to being at his home and hanging out with his family. They totally loved and treated me like one of their own. The relationship this family had was so unique and I found myself wondering what it was that made them so different. Not that I didn't have a good and loving family of my own, but there was something about them that was drawing me in. On Sundays I would watch his family go to church while Todd and I would stay behind. They always seemed to have an eagerness and joyful spirit about going. This seemed somewhat strange to me because personally I never really had that attitude about church. It was always more of a feeling of obligation as oppose to something to look forward to. Looking back I think this was the first tiny seed that was planted.

While we were dating, Todd was going to school for his photography degree. To graduate he was required to do an internship with someone that was in the field that he was pursuing. By the grace of God he was placed with a woman that would help change his life and which ultimately helped change mine.

To be continued....

This Is How My Story Begins...Part 1

Have you ever known or felt something that you wanted to share with everyone?

Have you ever had a dramatic transformation happen to you and you wanted everyone to notice?

There is something that happened to me.

Something great and magnificent!

Something that changed my life and changed who I was.

If you have known me for more then 14 yrs, then you need to know that I am not who I was!

Please know that as I tell this that I am not out to put anyone down or judge anyone for what they believe. My intention is not to ridicule or force my faith on anyone. But these are the things that happened to me. This is what I believe.

This is where and how my story begins.....

This a story about a girl who spent the first 21 yrs of her life believing in the Mormon faith. I had great friends, a loving family and a belief system that kept me out of trouble. And because of that I can go through life without feeling any regrets. But I believe that organized religion is like having a culture. And when you grow up in a strong culture...its all you know! You only know what they tell you to believe. and knowing what I know now...I believe that people get used to the doctrine they are taught and convince themselves they believe it.

I was told that I was not supposed to look outside of what I was being taught. Don't read any material that would contradict what was being said. So... didn't! I was young and ok with where I was at. I didn't know any other way. I was "encouraged" to only have friends and date in the church so there was never anybody or anything to make me question what it was I believed. I didn't know specifically what others on the outside where believing but whatever it was....I thought it must be wrong.

I felt I had a good "testimony" but now looking back, it was just what everyone else was saying. I remember always trying to conjure up spiritual feelings. I would go to the temple grounds hoping for these glorious feelings to come over me. But nothing happened the way I thought it should. I was never excited about testimony time because not only would I hear the same thing over and over again ("I now this church is true, I know Joseph Smith was a true prophet, I know the book of mormon is true...yada yada yada...blah blah blah") but I never felt apart of what everyone was else was supposedly feeling. In some ways I guess I was faking it, thinking the feelings would happen in due time. Fake it till you make it. eh? As long as you say those core beliefs in your testimony then you are good to go...right? And if I could try real hard to conjure up some tears then I guess I was feeling the spirit. How can you really have a testimony about something unless you have totally researched and made sure there was nothing else out there.

Something was missing from all this but I didn't know what!

After coming home from college and moving out on my own, I had some decisions to make. All my close friends seemed to be going their own separate ways. Marriage, missions, more college etc. I felt kind of alone. I was officially out of the youth group (which seriously was the one strong anchor I had up until this point) I felt to young and out of place for Relief Society and the thought of going to the singles ward scared me to death! With the security of my friends gone, I dreaded the whole social part of getting older....visiting teaching, giving talks, bearing my testimony etc. I felt I had skated by under the radar until this point. This was the first test to see how strong and committed I was....and I failed! I just felt different from everyone. Not quite fitting in. That wasn't the fault of anyone, its just how I had felt for a long time.

So I decided I would take a break. A break from the rules. A break from trying to do everything perfect. A break from the grip it had over my life. I needed a breather! I felt I still believed everything but I just wanted a break from living it. Part of me wanted to see the other side of life and do some living. I was on my own and for the first time I could really and truly do what I wanted.

Now this a reminder that at this point in my life I did not know Todd. There are alot of assumptions about me going out there. They assume that Todd was my downfall. Its not that he doesn't play a major role in this story but these were the things going on inside me before he even entered my life.

And here is something I sometimes think back on and reflect about.....

If I truly and whole heartily believed....why would I even entertain the thought of taking a break. Why would it be so easy to accept? If this is what I truly wanted for my life....why would it be so hard to keep it up?

To be continued.......

Our Easter Morning

Our Easter morning started out like most people around the world. Early and with lots of candy! This year I did not give into the Easter candy marketing ploy and just bought it in bulk from the grocery store. This resulted in buying more then necessary and eventually hiding around 70 eggs around the house. 70 eggs divided into 2 children (one of those children not liking chocolate) equals more sugar then they will ever need in there entire lives!

This is Kyler. He was worried that the eggs wouldn't be hidden well enough for him. He was changing his story later when he couldn't find all the eggs and we had to help him

Kyler was glad to be the one to find all the shiny eggs and Kaden couldn't stuff the candy in fast enough. This is definitely a treat for him because I don't let him eat candy all that often. For example....he still has Halloween candy in his bucket

Please excuse my children's miss-matched pajamas...that's just how we role around here

A popular treat this year was these little bunny shaped marshmallows. How cute are they

Every year I always seem to go overboard on the candy. But all in all it was another successful Easter gone down in history !

I hope your Easter was as blessed and meaningful as ours

He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed!

The angel said to the women,

"Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said."

Matthew 28:5-6

He is Risen - He is Risen Indeed.

The power of sin and death is broken and Jesus is Alive.

Let the celebration begin, Let the Angels sing and the trumpets blast.

Let the people of God Rejoice.

He is Risen – He is Risen Indeed!

I then shall live as one who's been forgiven,

I'll walk with joy to know my debts are paid!

And now for the sugar portion of the weekend

Easter egg hunts sure aren't what they used to be!!!!

Not only do we have the candy filled eggs but there is .....

cookie decorating

Story time

Bouncy house games

Face painting

And pony rides!

Our church did an awesome job this year. Now that kids are all hyped up on sugar it's time to get to bed for a great Easter service tomorrow and probably lots more candy.

No Greater Love

As long as I remember I've been walking through the wilderness

Praying to the Father And waiting for my time

I've come here with a mission And soon I'll give my life for this world

I'm praying in the garden And I'm looking for a miracle

I find the journey hard but It's the reason I was born

Can this cup be passed on Lord, I pray your will be done In this world

So I'll carry my cross

And I'll carry the shame

To the end of the road

Through the struggle and pain

And I'll do it for love

No, it won't be in vain

Yes, I'll carry my cross

And I'll carry the shame

I feel like I'm alone here And I'm treated like a criminal

The time has come for me now Even though I've done no wrong

Father, please forgive them

They know not what they've done In this world

So I'll carry my cross

And I'll carry the shame

To the end of the road

Through the struggle and pain

And I'll do it for love

No, it won't be in vain

Yes, I'll carry my cross

And I'll carry the shame

Three more days and I'll be coming back again......

Three more days and I'll be coming back again......

Maundy Thursday

Before I had become a Christian I had never heard of Maundy Thursday. Of course I had heard of the Last Supper but never a specific day to remember what took place that night. Tonight I will be attending the Maundy Thursday service at church and am really looking forward to basically going back in time. Back to the day before all lives changed. I know that Jesus knew what he was doing...He knew what was going to happen but you would think he had to have been scared. How would you feel knowing this would be your last meal? And how great that even in the last moments, he used this opportunity to keep teaching. Always teaching till his last breath. I hope you will also take time to remember this day...

1 Corinthians 11:23-26 (Today's New International Version)
23 For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, 24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, "This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me." 25 In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me." 26 For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes

Spring Break Re-Cap

Spring Break came and went and now everyone is back in the saddle again. I feel like it has been forever since I checked in but that's what happens when husband and children are home all week sucking all the free time out of your days! But you'll find no complaints from me about it. Todd was home all week while Kyler was on vacation and it was a huge treat for us. Slightly weird at times to have him here but definetly worth it. It was also a unique vacation because it was the first one where we didn't have any big plans to keep us busy. No weddings to attend, no Disneyland trips, no family reunions....just US the whole week.

The one place we did go to was Leavenworth. Just the 4 of us on a couple day trip. That is a first for us. We were able to get a few days at the Worldmark Condos that my Aunt belongs too. It was such a nice place and an extremely low price. (Bonus!) 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, fully stocked kitchen, deck...everything you need! And the extra bonus.....no funky hotel smell.

The view from the deck included a beautiful snowy mountain and some deer grazing in the grass

The weather was everything from pouring down rain to sunny skies.

And yes even snow!

But somehow things worked out. It rained outside while we were playing games inside and having family time

And then it was like the stars where aligned for us because as soon as we set out to go shopping the sun came out and showed its beautiful self!

I had never really been to Leavenworth in the winter. There wasn't as much to do and some of the shops were closed but miniature golf was available and to my boys....that is all that matters!

And just for the record.....I won!

We visited the Cheesemongers shop. This little hole in the wall shop down some steep stairs. They let you try anything and the people are really friendly. Of course we found something to buy. We are huge cheese lovers over here. We fell in love with this special type of aged Gouda cheese. I can't remember the name but it was $16.50 a lb!! Yikes! Needless to say we only bought a 1/2 a lb and its being savored as we speak

Our one huge splurge for the trip was having dinner at one of the German restaraunts. I have been waiting for months to come back and have some Jagerschnitzel. Its not cheap though. Lets just say our dinner cost more then the price of our two night stay in the condo! But it was ooooohhhhh so good. So good that I forgot to take a picture! I was so bummed that as I finished cleaning my plate...*slurp...burp*.. I remembered that I wanted to take a photo and share with everyone the wonders of Jagerschnitzel. Well if your curious then I guess you can google it

On the way home we encountered snow but since we were in Todds car it was no big deal. The boys slept and I was busy distracting the driver with my camera!

We also stopped at the little Wayside Chapel on the way home. Many years I have driven past it but never actually stopped. We had the time so we thought...what the heck!

The rest of the week consisted of just hanging out with each other. No real big exciting plans. Movies, taking walks, going to church, playing games, working in the yard, going to the mall.. The kind of stuff that people with normal jobs and schedules do all the time. But we have to be on vacation to do all these things!