Going through the motions of Christmas

Its December 12 and so far the Christmas spirit hasn't visited us yet. Its always been a struggle but this year in particular seems really really hard. I feel like we are going through the motions and everywhere I turn the struggle gets bigger and bigger.

For instance our tree....

I can't get over how pathetic it is. Usually we go out as a family to a tree farm and cut down our own tree. But with Todds schedule we decided that we would just have to go buy one at the store. We are a "noble" family. We like the branches to have nice even spaces between them so the ornaments can dangle. Lowes is trying to tell us that this is a noble.....I don't think so. Look how full and barrel shapes it is. We might as well saved ourselves $15 and bought a douglas fur! (sorry to all the douglas fur fans out there) But the story doesn't end there. You probably can't see it by the picture but there is a huge hole in the front of the tree. That is where the tree-train was supposed to go but after Todd cut back the branches to try and fit it in, we realized the trunk is way to thick. So no tree-train this year AND there is a big freaking hole in the front of it. And also, for the icing on the cake....not only are we losing needles faster then a speeding bullet but the tree is leaning! Todd doesn't see it so he won't fix it.

This is the beginning of the huge pile of lights that are not working this year. All the icicle lights and all the lights for the windows are broken. When I put them away last year they were working. What is happening inside those boxes during the year. I swear its a conspiracy going on. So we don't have all the lights put up because its not like we are going to go buy more....cuz we are freaking broke! Yes its a tight Christmas this year. Todd lost about $1300 a month in his income because the company is cutting back on expenses. So that means Todd and I are not buying for each other this year. Which I guess is fine because I don't really NEED anything that bad. But the lack of Christmas shopping as put a slight damper on the spirit. I am not a big spender or a major shopper but I love to go Christmas shopping. I love the challenge of finding the right gift at the right price. I love finding an item on sale and feeling like I got a good deal. I love the walking around, touching and thinking about things. With Kyler getting older I found it harder to figure out what to get him because not only does he have everything but he is almost out of the toy stage so you can't just grab a toy off the shelf. Research needs to happen. And I enjoy the challenge. And even though I know I don't need anything and its more important for the kids to receive...there is that small part, that little girl inside of me that will be disappointed to have no presents under the tree for me this year.

I use to work in retail and even though I am glad to not be doing that, there is a small part of me that misses it during the Christmas season. I worked in the perfume section and would help everybody pick out there gifts. I would wrap them up in pretty , elaborate packaging and feel really appreciated for it. Sometimes I miss the hustle and bustle of it all.

*Slap *Slap...I know I need to get a hold of myself. I know what the true meaning of Christmas is. But even that part feels like its missing this year. *sigh*

Maybe when the baby is in the manger...then I will feel better.